Update, because it’s been a while…

I just checked up on my blog and saw a new comment from another one of Jimmy’s ex’s. Here’s what it said:

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Jimmy is a piece of shit and he took me for the same loop. He used his kids to put up a front like he is a great father but he is not. Just dropping them off with his Psycho mother. The poor kids need to be away from her because they could turn out to be like him. He is nothing but a cold sore on everyones ass. He had me spending all my money because you know he cant keep a job. And now when I see him in a new car I know he is with a new girlfriend. And he still has alot of my things that he will not give back. One thing makes me the maddest though its that he gave me an STD that he couldnt take back. So girls you better run get tested. Now that I am broke you know he is gone. You are so right this is not the way any man should be. So If anyone is reading this Run as far as you can away from him and never look back. And now that I think about him I really dont know what I was thinking he really is cute and we all know that he is NOT packing.

Thankfully, I have been tested SEVERAL times since I left his dumb ass. So that means that he got it sometime after the last time we had sex, THANK GOD!!! Reading that comment made me sad because it brings back a lot of the drama from the past that I am finally getting over. There is nothing that any of us can do in retribution, but know that he will get his in the end, and that we will be wiser women in the future.

I have been lucky enough to find the man of my dreams, and the love of my life. Unfortunately for him, I still carry a lot of scars and have a hard time trusting. I’m working on it. He’s worth it.

I start school on May 20 to get my bachelors degree in Criminal  Justice. It will be nice to know that I can do something about injustice soon.

I’ve been divorced since Feb 09, 2009, and I have to say, it’s very liberating! Can’t tell you how good it feels to not have to worry about him any more.

Been in Charlotte since December, and it’s ok here. A lot of interesting people. We are planning on moving back to TX within a year.

My best friends little brother died in Feb (the same day my divorce was finalized) and we mourn his passing. He was a good person, and Dean will ALWAYS be missed. RIP Little Brother.

Enough of that. I’m out!

Just to let the stalkers know.

I figured that I should let my adoring public know that I am moving in December. If I have anything of yours then now would be the time to get it because come the first of December everything is being sold/junked.

OH and BTW, like my new boyfriend Jeremy?

KISSES!

D

The Contract

I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man”), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print girl’s name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady”). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.

Clause 1: Dates
A. The Man will pay unless otherwise specified by The Lady.

B. The Lady may eat just a side salad if that is her wish, and The Man will not complain.

C. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship. Likewise, The Lady will not be expected to make all of the plans.

D. If The Man would like to attend an event that he knows The Lady will despise, he is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should he deem a night at the ball game, dirty sports bar with scantily clad waitresses, or Kung-Fu movie to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, he should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening himself.

1. By accepting this Man-partisan date, The Lady will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of her choice—including, but not limited to: The Ballet, “Chick Flick”, or a fancy French restaurant.

Clause 2: Dialogue
A. The Man will never discuss an ex-girlfriend.

1. Rule 2-A above may be broken if The Man mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-girlfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Lady betters said ex.

B. If The Man wants something or wants to know something, he will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games. Furthermore there will be no “Whatever you want dear” unless said man wants to get hit in the “Hurty Spot”

C. Any cute nicknames that The Man has devised for The Lady will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.

1. Furthermore, The Man may not devise any nickname that includes an adjective regarding the softness of The Lady’s midsection (i.e. Squishy, chunky, etc…).

Clause 3: The Bedroom
A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will be given the right to voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This will not be taken as an insult by The Man, as The Lady is not trying to insult him. The Lady is trying to make the experience better for both, because when The Lady is happy, so is The Man.

B. The Lady reserves the right to her favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. She may permit The Man to rest on her chosen side if she wishes, but should she find herself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it is her right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Man.

Clause 4: Family
A. The Man will not ask The Lady to meet his family until at least one month of dating has been completed.

B. Upon meeting The Lady’s mother, The Man will not say anything derogatory about said mother, or how crazy the mother is, or how the mother hit on The Man.

Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Lady will be guaranteed at least one Girls’ Night per week, chosen at her discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Girls’ Nights per month in case of a friend break down or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.

B. The Man can never be angry with a man for attending Girls’ Night.

C. The Man will not call The Lady more than once per Girls’ Night.

D. The Man is encouraged to go out with his own friends as a means for keeping his independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:

1. The Lady doesn’t want to know if the situation involves any of the following; strippers, flirty co-workers, fart jokes or how much alcohol The Man’s best friend vomited.
2. No. Ex-Girlfriends. Ever.

Clause 6: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.

1. The Man will be the first party to speak the phrase. He will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Lady knows it is she who is being spoken to. The Man will allow The Lady at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean she doesn’t feel the same way, only that she is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
2. After the first time the Lady arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Man speaks the phrase. The Man will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a well timed smirk in return.
3. The Man will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Lady is in the presence of either friends or co-workers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should she be forced to reciprocate while with said company.

By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Lady a truly happy person for the rest of her life, or until you realize that she is a control freak who requires her boyfriends to sign legally binding documents.

______________________________
Print your name

______________________________
Signature

______________________________
Date

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

By Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a model’s fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Love…

1 Corinthians 13

The Way of Love

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
  Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
 Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. 8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

11When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

12We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

OK. So I have been thinking about this a lot lately. The items that are in red are things that I have been guilty of doing. And I feel like talking about them, item by item. Forgive me, I am just trying to work some stuff out in my head.

Love never gives up.  Ahhh But I have given up. In fact sometimes (most of the time) it is easier for me to just give up then to actually keep beating my head against the wall when trying to love someone who JUST DOESN’T WANNA BE LOVED.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.  Well. I think that we are all guilty of this every once in a while. You see a relationship that *seems* perfect and you can’t help but compare things. Often times when I am in a relationship I am just FINE, until I see what Suzie down the block has and then I start making comparisons. NOT GOOD. I know I do this. But gosh it sure is hard not too.

 Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others. I am VERY guilty of this. I think most girls are. I find it so hard to forgive and forget. Plus how gratifying is it to be in a fight and be able to bring up (POINT BY POINT) all the bad sh*t they have done that they should forever be atoning for. You know what the bad part is (besides all of it)? I usually feel pretty guilty when I am doing it, but IT DOESN’T STOP ME! I am trying though. Very hard.

Puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. I haven’t always trusted in God. And I haven’t always put up with the things that really shouldn’t have been a big issue. Now SOMETHINGS I don’t think were included in this, ie abuse in ANY form be it physical, sexual, or emotional. The last major relationship I was in was rife with emotional abuse. And I know that he would never agree. But case in point, if I wanted to leave because he wouldn’t do anything he would threaten to kill himself. He freaked me out so much one night that I even called his mother WHO WAS AT HIS GRANDPARENTS HOUSE FOR HIS UNCLES FUNERAL. That’s emotional blackmail which is tantamount to emotional abuse. It was always ‘If you love me then….’ and then I felt guilty for not being the good spouse. I FELT GUILTY! WTF?! I am starting to see that it was he who wasn’t the good spouse. Who didn’t treat me the way I should have been treated. NOW, in saying that I realize that I was FAR from perfect. Like I said above, I tended to hold his past crimes against him, which was not good of me to do. In fact it was down right bad. To err is human to forgive, divine. Isn’t that the saying. And I haven’t always trusted in God. Anyone who knows me knows of the religious struggles I have been through in the past several years.

Ugh that is it for now…